I didn’t even notice this earlier, but now that I did, I couldn’t possibly just ignore it. Tim Todd, who, judging by his name, was just an a radioactive experiment gone awry away from becoming a classic superhero before making the world a far more depressing place by injecting 20 cc of liquid Jesus into his left eyeball, is the guy behind the aforementioned The Truth For Youth thing, as well as the founder/director of Tim Todd Ministries — presumably featuring God’s work as done by Tim Todd, delivered to you by Tim Todd of Tim Todd fame. Seriously, why is that so many of these ministries are named after their founders, as opposed to, oh, just to pick a random example, God — or is it Satanic of me to ask? Anyway, Tim Tood Ministries “exists to fan the flames of “REVIVAL FIRES” […] through evangelistic crusades and Bible distribution.”
Uh, crusades? Well, that’s always a nice word to hear, Tim. Ignorant of history, or just eager to piss people off? Who can tell!
But no time for that! He has an important message on his website. Let me quote a bit:
The last four letters of the word “AMERICAN” are “I-CAN” not “I-RAN”!
It seems our country’s Christian computer users are divided into two groups: the “I-CANS” and the “I-RANS”! For to many years in America, the Christian computer users have been “I-RANS”. They “RUN” from the dealing with sin on the internet that concerns us as Christians. They would “RUN” from implementing innovative tools to win the sinner on the internet. They “RUN” from the need to reach those who are searching for hope through: pornography, homosexuality, sexual promiscuity, rock music, drugs, drinking, etc.
Old Tim goes on for quite a bit in that vein, doing his damnedest to make it entirely obvious to even the most idiotic reader how ludicrous his clever little device there is. And make no mistake, it is very clever indeed! This is the cutting edge of wit, delivered to you by Tim Todd Ministries. You see, the last four letters of the word “AMERICAN” do, indeed, form “I-CAN”, and if you change one of the letters there, you do indeed get “I-RAN”. I don’t know what that’s supposed to prove, actually, particularly as “AMERIRAN” doesn’t actually mean anything, but it’s very clever just the same. He certainly gets right down to it:
“I-CAN” and I must “tell it like it is” and then “tell it like it should be” in this computer age of internet pornography, promiscuity and pleasure seeking!
As opposed to the stone age of internet pornography, promiscuity and pleasure seeking, I suppose?
(Then he goes on to talk about “INTERNET I-CANs” and “INTERNET I-RANs” and how they should be “WEBSITE WATCHMEN”, so they can “cast their net on the internet” and presumably “put quotes around certain words or phrases” to illustrate “how to make things more awkward to read”, but then again, that may be a more advanced technique, revealed to his devoted followers during the upcoming second phase of his brilliant and hugely effective plan to deliver everyone in the world from sinful rock music.)
Speaking of sinful rock music, he has this gem among the testimonials:
This young man from Columbus, GA received a Truth For Youth Bible, read the comic on Rock Music, went home and threw all of his “Spice Girl” posters and CD’s in the trash!
Not that I don’t appreciate the fact that Todd saved some dumbshit’s poor neighbors from having to hear Spice Girls booming through the walls — the guy may be a douchebag, but he deserves some credit for that public service — but come on. He’s including that as a victory? How pathetic can you get? “Yes, we made this person change his shoes! PRAISE THE LORD!”
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