Among my humongous daily dose of spam was a little gem, sent to me with the catchy subject line of “, Super human abilities?”
Obviously, that sounds pretty cool. If I could get bitten by a radioactive spider that, instead of weird blood poisoning and leukemia, would give me the proportionate strength of a spider and the rest of the goodies, I’d be offering highly sensitive areas of my body to said spider in a heartbeat. Yes, if it means I can dance high above rooftops like an earthbound god, you can take a bite off my testicles, little spider. Or even big spider. Bring your radioactive siblings, you can have a pizza party on my testicles. Sign me up for that. I’ll go in and fix the reactor, douse myself in highly experimental chemicals, get caught in that gamma bomb blast, soak up cosmic rays, be experimented on and sexually abused by aliens so far removed from anything I know and understand that the mere sight of their multi-dimensional bodies turns my brain into jelly and traumatizes me for the rest of my life.
I’ll do all that and more. Whatever it takes. If it gets me freaky cool superpowers, I’m all for it.
This shit, though…
How would you like to automatically achieve almost anything you wanted… without having to try – or even THINK about – achieving it?
Using this tool, you can “activate” advanced thinking, super-learning, success magnetism, inject new personality traits (instantly) and dissolve any annoying bad habits… in a flash.
Wow! That sure sounds nifty! I’m especially impressed by this tool’s amazing and not at all disturbing ability to instantly inject new, unspecified personality traits.
But wait! There’s more!
* Increase your mental powers & abilities.
* Activate “super-learning” and advanced thought.
* Empower yourself with unstoppable confidence.
* Blast through limitations, with zero effort.
* Achieve your goals… *be who you want to be!*
All horseplay aside, what kind of an idiot do you have to be to buy into this crap? I mean, okay, so they are selling worthless bullshit via spam with the hopes that idiots take them up on that offer. No surprise there. But at least I can understand why someone would buy something that gives him a boner — sure, buying it off some random guy on the internet strikes me as tremendously stupid, but at least we have firmly established that there are pills that bestow erections on us. But this vague “turn your brain into an advanced superhuman thinking machine” filth makes homeopathy look downright respectable.
I’d love to slap the people responsible for this around with a crowbar… and not just for spamming. Sure, you’d have to be a moron to buy into this — and honestly, we’re not talking about basically normal people who just happen to be a little too trusting or naïve here; you’d have to be a full-blown mouth-breather with all the education of a particularly slow potato to believe that these guys are offering something that’ll turn you into Brainiac 5 and propel you into the upper echelons of elite society — but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to sell them snake oil.
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.