Ah, Italy! That Mediterranean wonderland of absolutely magnificent food, ancient culture and rampant misogyny. A few years ago, the Supreme Court of Appeal in Rome ruled that a rape victim couldn’t have been raped because she was wearing jeans, and you cannot remove a pair of jeans from somebody “without the collaboration of the person who is wearing them”.
Having come to this completely sensible conclusion, the court promptly reversed the rape conviction of a 45-year old driving instructor who, up until that point, had been convicted of raping his 18-year old student. Thus, the Supreme Court of Appeal in Rome’s sharp eye for justice revealed him for what he truly was: a man in a strongly patriarchal culture who was unable to either physically undress a woman young enough to be his daughter or intimidate her into doing so.
Of course, how the hell do I know what happened out there on the road? I don’t. I have no idea. But I do know that given the circumstances, I’m pretty goddamn sure I would have at least an even chance of getting an 18-year old girl undressed one way or the other, even if she happened to be wearing jeans and wasn’t all that keen on the idea. (Hell, I’m not real keen on the idea, you understand; I’m just saying that I think it’s well in the realm of physical and/or psychological possibility.)
So, ladies in Italy, please take note: short skirts are wrong, because you’re sending out a signal that you’re a whore and are obviously asking for it, and jeans are wrong, because you can’t get raped in them and therefore you must have been asking for it. I mean, what’s wrong with you? If you’d just stop asking for it, nobody would ever get raped! It’s just science.
Science, and justice.
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