And while I’m at it, I guess I might as well point out some other people who’re complete dicks, besides the Supreme Court of Appeal in Rome.
Let’s start with Sally Kern, an Oklahoma State Representative, and — I know I’m stating the obvious here — a Republican. Not that all Republicans are dicks, mind you, but when you hear about an American politician who’s being a complete dick, chances are you’re going to have a certain expectation before you even hear the name, and you’re not likely to be wrong there. Just saying.
Anyway! What’s wrong with Kern, you say? Well! Take a look. Or a listen, really; the video is what it is, and I can appreciate the sentiment there, but never mind that, just listen to some bona fide religion-fueled hatred being spewed by yet another old white person. That Sally, she’s just a barrel of laughs! She’s a dick, and she was probably voted in by dicks — I mean, even if she wasn’t expecting this particular bit of speechcraft to make it into the internet, I kinda doubt her stance on these things was a well-guarded secret that just now made it out.
Of course, Italian judges and American politicians don’t have a monopoly on being fully deserving of Jim Kelly-style punches to the throat. Professional athletes are also completely capable of being dicks, as golfer Tripp Isenhour just had to go and prove the other day. See, he was kinda annoyed by a bird, so he decided to solve the problem by driving golf balls at the animal. After a while, to no one’s surprise, he actually hit the bird. In the head.
The bird in question was a red-shouldered hawk, a protected species classified with a conservation status of “least concern” — meaning that it’s not exactly endangered, but it’s not on the list because there are enough of them to go around to be killed by asshole golfers, either. Of course, that whole “protected animal” thing is just a cherry on top; even if it was an ordinary pigeon, that’s still full-on asshole behaviour. To drive the point home, Isenhour refers to the whole thing as “an accident”, because it was a “one-in-a-million” shot. Yeah, he was just trying to hit the bird, he never expected to hit the bird, so that’s why it was an accident. Like a lightning bolt out of a clear sky, it just happened! It was a regrettable case of bad luck that completely coincidentally happened to include him! That’s a heartfelt apology right there.
Seriously, what a dick.
Moving on to dicks that may be smaller but definitely make up for it with numbers, five kids buried their 10-year old playmate in sand, head first. Now, I’m just going to let the “but we didn’t know it would be bad for him!” thing pass without comment…
Oh, hell, no.
I mean, what the fuck? At that age I never had any illusions about people needing to breathe in order to survive. I know for a fact I had figured that shit out by the time I started school, and I’m sure I kind of grasped the fundamentals of the concept at an even earlier age. But even if we assume that these five little geniuses were just completely ignorant of the fact that you can’t actually breathe if your head is completely buried, what the hell were they doing? Were they being nice?
No. They were being dicks.
People, stop being dicks! STOP IT.
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.